Road Rage

29 Nov

In complete contrast to my last post about peace on earth and good will towards men, I would like to discuss how sometimes… you just wanna stab someone.

My daily commute to my office is 11 miles.  Today, my head exploded 3 times on this short journey.  Let’s recap.

Pulling out of my neighborhood: “Really!?”

Doesn’t sound hard, right?  There’s even a traffic light!  I turn left out of my neighborhood, but there is no green arrow, which means I have to yield to the super genius across the way who is coming from a shopping center (which I am convinced has daily non-driving asshat conventions that let out around 8:45).  His green circle for a right hand turn trumps my green circle for a left hand turn.  It should be so easy.  I patiently wait my turn in what should be the legal order of traffic with my blinker on; I wait for the line of cars turning right to ease on down the road… but then (it never fails) they don’t… and it turns into, “Slowly inch into intersection*… Areyougonna … *arm gestures similar to that of an airport runway employee*…Youhavetherightofw… No?… *gas*…*brakes*… Youwantmeto… *gas* … Ohnowyoudecidedyouwanna … *brakes*”… Every. Single. Day.

Leaving 711: *Facepalm*

Dear everyone ever trying-to-make-a-left-hand-turn-out-of-my-711 ever,

It’s.  Not.  Happening.

And now I’m late for work.

Jump off a cliff.

Warmest wishes,

Mallory Jarrell

Great Bridge Shopping Center: or, as I like to call it, The Inner Sanctum of Hell

The shopping center that houses my bank is among the most treacherous shopping centers in all the greater Hampton Roads area (Look for IRT: Deadliest Shopping Centers coming next fall to the History Channel)  and I do my darnedest to only go there when absolutely necessary.  This hell-hole free-for-all is filled with blind turns, ambiguous 3 1/2 way stops, careless pedestrians with death wishes, octogenarians, and legally blind drivers, and I’m 100% positive they’re trying to kill me.

Until next time, drivers of the greater Chesapeake region!

They see me rollin’


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3 Responses to “Road Rage”

  1. brittany b November 29, 2010 at 2:41 pm #

    mallory, i just died laughing!!! I feel this way driving too. I hate traffic, no matter how short of a time that I am in it.

  2. Tiff Reed November 29, 2010 at 3:26 pm #

    Hahahaha! This post just made my day!

  3. Ashley November 29, 2010 at 3:36 pm #

    Same thing here on the peninsula homie.

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