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Cable Woes

13 Dec

Yesterday, after 5 years of paying the same cheap price for what we thought was cheap basic cable, our cable provider caught a 5-year-long ERROR on their part and just took away ALL of our good channels: Comedy Central, FX, E!, HGTV, ESPN, SyFy, MSNBC  etc…. ON American Horror Story night!!!! CURSES!!  :/

I know it’s weird and EXTREMELY messed up, but I can’t. stop. watching…. well, until now… Stupid Cox Cable…. FML.



Does your dog do this?

8 Nov

Since I can’t wash any more laundry, I decided to take a crack at the accumulated pile of clean clothes ’cause it looks like that’s what we’ll be livin’ in until I can snag me a new washer.

It never fails…. Every time I fold laundry into neat little piles, I make the mistake of turning my back for 2 seconds… and this happens!!!!

Then he just looks at me like, “What?!”

Damn dirty dingo dog!!


Mallory HotMess and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day

7 Nov

And as if I wasn’t irrationally distraught enough today, my washing machine just bit the dust.

FML… again.

The Day After

7 Nov

Pray for the country. Pray for the president.

This article very eloquently describes my worry for the future of our nation.


Halloween Predictions

31 Oct

Yeah… it’s gonna go a lil’ somethin’ like this… Facepalm.


It’s here…. Crap.

17 Sep

So the other day I ordered the suit I am to wear for my figure show. These suits are made to your exact measurements, and I thought it might take a while – maybe a few weeks – to deliver – which would be good – a few weeks to get a little leaner, a little tanner, and a little more comfortable with the thought of stepping on stage in such a small piece of fabric….

NOPE! WRONG! 3 days after my order, “Your item has shipped.” 4 days after that, there it is in my mailbox in all it’s bedazzled glory. 1 week from filling out the order form online to physically having it in my hands – Crazy fast! Amazing! But no time to mentally prepare myself!

This ish just got mad real…

Ooooo…. sparkly!

Check out Pasty McPasterson over here.


They try to make me go to rehab; I say, “No. No. No.”

17 Sep

Someone needs to invent a Sugar-Free Jell-O Rehab so that I may check myself into it. It’s been almost a week since my last little glorious 10 calorie fix!

But my figure show is less than 5 weeks away, and it’s time to be super hard-core / eat super clean. I try to keep my withdraw symptoms under control, but the past few days without my Jell-O have been extremely trying for me…. AND my poor husband! Even the simplest of tasks have become painstakingly annoying – food everywhere!! Like grocery shopping – I get so hateful looking at all the food I can’t (correction: WON’T) eat. I promise you I will dropkick an Entemann’s display by the time this is done. Or just watching tv – 90% of the commercials seem to be food! It’s so sweet; my husband does all he can to distract me when Olive Garden’s Never-Ending Pasta Bowl and Breadsticks or any form of pizza commercial airs; God love him.

33 more days ’til the show. I’m so scared.